by Teri Ong

One hundred days to the wedding! Our daughter Sarah and her intended, Jerry, started the official countdown last night. That means we will have had a total of 124 days from

their engagement at the stroke of midnight on January 1 to the wedding on May 4^th. We are praising God first of all for both of their lovely and mature Christian spirits throughout this whole process. We are confident that God has great things for them if He tarries. And we are most consciously praising Him that in 24 days we have a beautiful church for the ceremony (already paid for), a large and tidy venue for the reception (already paid for), garments lined up for the wedding party (in process), most of the decoration items for both venues, musicians lined up, the officiating minister who has already begun counseling sessions, the all-important photographer (since Sarah herself is a pro), and of utmost importance in the bride’s mind – “THE DRESS” (likewise, already paid for). Ah, yes! The dress. I haven’t been the mother of the bride for a full ten years. A year and a half ago I was the mother of the groom, but the old adage “wear beige and be quiet” was adequate advise. The mother of the bride is a more hands-on position in some ways. Well, perhaps it should be “hands-on and mouth off.” I’m sure the whole entourage of brides’ maids that went shopping on “dress” day wished it had been so. “Dress day” started out in a very unpromising manner. The first shop that the maid-of-honor had lined up for us didn’t take appointments so we were parked outside about 20 minutes before opening time. We got to watch the parade of overweight and underdressed “bridal consultants” let themselves into the shop that was ostensibly voted “number one” in the Denver area. I suspect that it got the most votes on the basis of sheer volume, seeming to me to be more of a bridal factory than bridal boutique. I had some misgivings just looking at the display in the window which advertised a “Twilight” themed wedding. I could not really get over the cognitive dissonance caused by contemplating “vampire” weddings in the context of the most beautiful of Christian symbolisms– Christ and the church. The shop was full of other encouraging elements, however. Signs read, “Children who are disturbing

customers will be asked to leave.” “Absolutely no food or drink!” “All dresses need alteration; alterations are NOT FREE.” “Dresses ordered less than six months in advance will require a RUSH FEE.” All of the dresses in the store were zipped up in plastic garment bags. As soon as you pulled a bag out to examine the style, a matronly woman would follow soon after and tuck it back into its slot on the rack. There were at least a thousand dresses in the shop and only about 10 of them had straps. And of the ten that had straps, 8 of them had a deep plunging neckline. Our assigned consultant assured us that one of the brands they sold could have straps attached (for an additional fee). Sarah tried one on, just to check out our options. It was wholly unsuitable. I told our consultant it didn’t matter if straps could be attached if the dress was cut too low in the first place. I said, “We like to keep our brides covered.” She rejoined, “What’s wrong with that dress?!” We were getting no where fast. While we had been waiting out front, another party was waiting as well. The bride and some of the bridal party were leaning up against their vehicle smoking cigarettes. As it turned out, they were stationed right next to us in the store, and that bride was using the pedestal and mirror next to ours. That bride had brought along a couple of bridal “grandmas” who looked very sweet and traditional – iconic grandmothers. The bride came out in one of the strapless, backless jobs that proliferated in the shop. It was a beautiful dress that showed off her armpit “muffin tops” and the tattoos on her shoulders to perfection! When Sarah, who is tall, slim and chastely beautiful, came out in a gown, the grandmothers next door broke out into sighs and applause! Earlier in the week I had been reading an article in the Wall Street Journal about the “bridal industry” and how internet sales had affected “mom and pop” boutiques that had serviced brides since the 1950’s. I was starting to get a first-hand education in the nuptial industrial complex. We left the shop with a pretty clear idea of what we didn’t want. The next location was by appointment only, but we were assured that they did have some dresses in our price range. We were greeted by a lovely Christian girl who was barely more than a newlywed herself. There was a pleasant looking cart with cookies and tea in the lobby for the customers. There were no placards at all. We sat in antique-y looking chairs in a mirrored room that made me feel like a Paris buyer at a design house (at least, the way I imagine it might be). Our consultant took Sarah aside to fill out some paper work and asked her what her goals and needs were (basically – what was her desired “bottom line”?) When Sarah told her what her budget was, the young lady said, “My dad is a Baptist pastor in California. I know exactly what you are saying.” From then on, she was the captain of Sarah’s team, coming up with the plays and the strategies that would help us win the day! She found gowns that could be bought off the rack at a discount, thus saving us also the “rush” charges. She informed us about same day, in-store gift cards that could be used for accessories such as a veil or shoes. She showed us how modest pleated straps could be added to gowns with a straight cut bodice, and gave us a visual demonstration. The dress Sarah liked best was one that could be had right off the rack. The problem was that it was much too large and would need some of those extensive ( substitute a “p” for the “t” in that word) alteration to make it a fitting “altar-ation.” Our consultant went into the back room to see if there were any other “off-the-rack” possibilities, and she came back very excited. “I think the Lord is with you! I have the very same dress in a smaller size. It is still in the garment bag and has never been worn at all. My manager said you could have it for the same price if it fits.” Sarah put it on with some reservation since it was five sizes smaller than the original one. It fit to absolute perfection! It needed no alterations or even hemming. We already knew it would need straps, but that is a job that I can do myself (at no extra charge!). Then she reminded us about our gift card amount that could be used for accessories. Sarah tried on two or three veils. The consultant came out with a simple and elegant style that Sarah really liked. In the process of trying it on, we discovered that it had a couple small tears near the bottom. Our girl told us that typically those with some slight wear would be sold for 75% off. She went to ask the manager what the cost would be. The manager told her to tell us that she wouldn’t sell one with that kind of damage, but we could have it for free! Ka-ching! That still left us with the need to find some in-house accessory to spend our gift card on. Sarah tried on some lovely shoes. With the discount card, they rang up at $7.00. It was a wonderful reminder to me that God is in Sarah and Jerry’s marriage, and therefore He is in their wedding as well. His fingerprints were all over the events of the day. I think they were even in the bleakness of the morning, so that the afternoon sun shone all the brighter. My run-in with the industrial wedding complex, however, did bring to mind a passage from North and South by Elizabeth Gaskell, where Margaret is telling her cousin’s brother-in-law about her vision of the ideal wedding.

“I wonder if a marriage must always be preceded by what you call a whirlwind, or whether in some cases there might not rather be a calm and peaceful time just before it… 

I should like it to be a very fine summer morning; and I should like to walk to church through the shade of trees; and not to have so many bridesmaids, and to have no wedding breakfast. I dare say I am resolving against the very things that have given me the most trouble just now.” (Page 11)One must know, however, that Gaskell wrote that passage at the age of 44 and that she had four daughters who lived to adulthood. It was probably more the sentiment of a mother than of a soon-to-be bride. Obviously, the wedding in Cana must have had a bit of the whirlwind about it for them to run out of wine and to require special miraculous help from Jesus. And when our Bridegroom comes in the sky it will be with a great deal of fanfare and flurry that demands our urgent preparation. My own dear mother-in-law told my husband before our wedding, “You will think at times there won’t even be a wedding, but there will be!” As important as the dress purchase seemed on that day, it is, as were the priestly garments, only a symbol of the true beauty of holiness. It’s value lies in lighting the face of the bridegroom at that ultimate moment of holy commitment to love, honor and obey. I have always loved the poignant words of Anne Ross Cousin, based on a sermon by Samuel Rutherford– “The bride eyes not her garment,

But her dear bridegroom’s face;I will not gaze at glory, But on my King of grace! I rest upon His merit, I know no other stand: The Lamb is all the glory” – from “The Sands of Time Are Sinking”